Learning Spanish
One of my main reasons for moving to Spain was to finally learn how to speak Spanish well. I had been studying the language since my college days and had a good grasp of grammar before I arrived. I have also studied French, Arabic, and Greek. I always admired people who speak more than one language. I always wanted to be one of those people. Learning a foreign language is a truly epic task. We spend our entire lives just learning our native language so to try to fit in one or more new languages is a pretty ambitious goal. What you soon realize is that there is no finish line. You won't be able to unfurl the “Mission Accomplished” banner after a semester or two of study or even after a year or two spent living in a Spanish-speaking country.
What you quickly realize is just how much work it takes to learn Spanish. It's not like you’re going to pick it up by osmosis just because you are living in a country where the language is spoken. I wish I had a nickel for every time I have heard someone in America complain because not every immigrant speaks English perfectly. I have never been one of those complainers because I know just how difficult it is to learn another language. When I was in the American military stationed in Greece almost none of the American personnel bothered to learn even a little Greek. I realize that this is a slightly different set of circumstances than being an immigrant, and I am not criticizing the American G.I.s who didn’t learn any Greek, but it gave me a bit of insight into the dynamics of learning a foreign language. I can also say that we Americans are not exactly famous worldwide for learning languages other than our own. I was determined to be an example of an American who learned to speak Spanish as well as anyone from one of those countries which do have a reputation for picking up foreign languages, countries like Germany, Holland, Sweden, Finland, or Denmark.
To learn Spanish—or any other language—you need to work at it vigorously and almost religiously every single day—at least I must. It can be enormously frustrating but the rewards are infinite. Sometimes it seems that with every word you learn you are opening up a new door, or shedding light somewhere that was cast in darkness not too long ago. Sometimes I felt that I would never speak Spanish adequately, that I was somehow incapable of gaining any sort of mastery over the language. Some days I still feel that way. Other days I almost can't believe what I have said in the course of a conversation in which I glided almost effortlessly through a half dozen verb tenses and used adjectives that you might find on the Spanish equivalent of the SAT. Overall I would say that if it is a lesson in humility that you are seeking, by all means study another language. I don’t think that I could ever brag about my Spanish.
Learn Spanish in 7 Days
What if you aren’t satisfied by the slow, gradual approach to learning a language? “I’m an American,” I scream to no one in particular. I come from the country of fast food and 10 minute abs workouts. I buy microwave toast, solved crossword puzzles, pre-pealed bananas, and I definitely don’t have the years it takes to properly learn another language. I was ready to give up until I came across just the book I was looking for called, Learn a Language in 7 Days, by Ramon Campayo. I will start right now. Today is Thursday so I’ll know Spanish by next weekend.
Day 1
Mister Campayo, or Señor Campayo (I’m learning already) claims that to master another language you need only a few things: vocabulary, grammar, and keys to pronunciation. To learn foreign vocabulary he suggests that instead of trying to memorize tedious lists of words, you make word associations. The mind works through images, not vocabulary lists. To all my language teachers I now ask, “What the hell were you thinking with those lists you tortured us with?”
He gives the following example to illustrate his point. The German word “Essen” means “to eat.” Campayo says that he takes the letter S from this word and imagines the curves to be the stomach of someone who “eats.” Wow, that was easy. OK, I think I got it. “Essen” means “fat” in German. Let me see if I can do it.
Thumbing through my illustrated Spanish dictionary I come across an unfamiliar word which is pretty easy to do as they are all unfamiliar. “Despeñadero” which means “cliff” in English. All that I have to do to hold this word in my memory is make a visual association. I can’t think of an association in English, and besides, it’s fairly flat here in Valencia and I’ll probably never need the word for “cliff.” It also has one of those squiggly n’s in it that are hard to make on my English-speaking computer. Let me find another word.
I find the word “Farola” which means “street light.” Now all that I have to do is come up with an association for this word in English that will help me to memorize the Spanish term. “Farola” sounds like “far.” I’ll bet that the first street light was made somewhere far from Valencia, but I’m not sure so I’ll have to look it up. I’ll try Wikipedia. I’m not sure of the address so I use Google.
When I get to Wikipedia I remind myself to create an entry for myself. You can just make stuff up on Wikipedia, almost everything there is a complete lie. I want to say that I was the first person to bridge the porn star and rodeo clown professions. I spend most of the rest of the afternoon trying to think up appropriate porno movie titles for a rodeo clown. Most of them involve a bull’s horn and places in the human body not particularly suitable for bull horn insertion. Finally I get back on track and look up “street lamp.”
OK, that was a little inconclusive because are we talking about electric street lamps or gas? Neither of them was first used in Valencia but Paris used the first gas lights and Paris isn’t really too “far” from here, but I will stick with “far” as part of the association for “farola” which means…damn, I forgot already. I’ll look it up again. Street light! Street light is what it means in English. Why can’t I remember that? Then I remember the whole point of this exercise. Now I just need an association for the second part of the word, “ola.”
The first thing that pops into my head for “ola” is Johnny Ola from Godfather II who was played by the guy who plays Jr. Soprano on The Sopranos. Is that show over now or are they going to have more episodes, because it seems like they just kind of left us hanging there at the end of the 6th season. I just thought of something kind of weird. Here I am trying to remember stuff in Spanish and I come across Junior Soprano who has Alzheimer’s in the show so he can’t remember stuff. Don’t you wish that they made more movies about gangsters? That is definitely my favorite genre. I even liked parts of Godfather III which most people think was a big steaming pile of…what was I doing again?
You know what? Forget about “farola.” I don’t really have to learn that word. I'm not afraid of the dark and how often does the word “street light” come up in conversation anyway? I tell you what, I’ll learn that word if I get a job working for the electric company here in Spain.
Day 2
I forgot to bring the book with me today so I just decided to stop for lunch and have a cerveza. I already knew that word means “beer” before I got to Spain so I don’t feel so guilty taking today off from learning Spanish in 7 days.
Day 3
That word association thing wasn’t much fun so today I’m going to learn a little Spanish grammar. I’ll try to memorize some of these verb conjugations.
Is it 8 o’clock already? I must have fallen asleep. Time to put the books away and watch the soccer match on TV. Watching soccer on Spanish TV makes the language seem a lot more foreign than it already is. About the only word I can understand is “goal” and sometimes they will go an entire game without saying it and when they do they stretch it out so it lasts about two minutes. GGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL! Note to self: Televised soccer is not a good learning tool.
Day 4
Today is some sort of Spanish holiday. Don’t ask me what it is they are celebrating but everything is closed so I think that I should take the day off in a display of cultural integration. Even God took a day off and he invented the whole “Do it in 7 Days” thing.
Day 5
Today is review day where I go over everything that I have learned up until now. Let’s see, I know how to say “Mister” and “Beer” in Spanish. Those words are “Señor” and “Cerveza.” Beer? Don’t mind if I do but I should be studying. OK, maybe just one and then it’s back to the grind of learning Spanish in 7 days. There is a nice café right across the street from the library where I’m studying.
I’m back but I don’t think that I’m in very good shape to study any more today. Besides, I just learned the words for “wine,” “pitcher,” “brandy,” “bigger glass,” “sherry,” “just leave the bottle,” “bathroom,” and a shot called a “Flaming Grandmother.” It was kind of hard to pronounce so I ordered four of them. Everyone knows that repetition is the key to learning another language.
Day 6
Tengo Resaca means “I have a hangover.” That’s enough Spanish for today so I’m going back to bed.
I am coming down the home stretch in learning Spanish but they don’t play baseball here so they probably don’t say “coming down the home stretch.” I only have one day left to learn the language so I’m not about to waste it learning what they say here instead of “coming down the home stretch.”
Day 7
I think when he said that you could learn Spanish in 7 days he was talking like they do in the Bible. In the Bible they say the earth was made in 7 days, but now scientists say that the earth is 4 billion years old, so if you divide 4 billion by 7 then that is how long the Bible meant by one day.* 4 billion years seems like a long time to learn Spanish; even for someone like me. Besides, my lease is up next December.
*This means that the 15 minute abs workout also probably takes longer than advertised.
Culture and Language
Spanish people get picked on in Europe because they don’t speak English. With only 18% of Spaniards able to speak, read, and write English at a high level, they lag behind most other European Union countries in this regard. They also make fun of themselves incessantly for their monoglot ways. There are countless advertisements for English language courses and every conceivable gimmick is held out to entice, embarrass, cajole, and bully Spaniards into learning this odd, Germanic tongue. Being less than perfectly fluent in Spanish, or any other foreign language, I understand how Spaniards feel about their lack of acumen in English. People criticize Americans all the time for our unwillingness to learn other languages and I think that we have a lot in common with the Spanish in this area.
Like Americans concerning English, I think that most Spanish people think that the Spanish speaking world is pretty big. Just for a review, here is a list of the countries where Spanish is spoken:
• Argentina
• Bolivia
• Chile
• Colombia
• Costa Rica
• Cuba
• Dominican Republic
• El Salvador
• Equatorial Guinea
• Guatemala
• Honduras
• Mexico
• Nicaragua
• Panama
• Paraguay
• Peru
• Puerto Rico
• Spain
• Uruguay
• Venezuela
Along with these countries I would add that the United States has more Spanish speakers than every country on this list except four. There are hundreds of millions of people who speak Spanish spread pretty heavily over three continents. Spanish is also one of the favorite choices for those of us who want to learn another language. It’s a big world out there if you can speak Spanish.
The Dutch are well-known for being proficient in languages. It seems that just about everyone in the Netherlands speaks English with almost native fluency. I’m sure that many residents of Holland speak more than one foreign language; it seems almost a part of the national character. Dutch is spoken by about 20 million speakers worldwide. The Dutch world is positively dwarfed by Spanish. Learning another language in the Netherlands isn’t a hobby, it’s practically a life requirement. If you’re Dutch and you don’t speak another language, your world is rather small and homogeneous.
I have talked to many Spanish people about English and most of them who don’t speak it just don’t want to learn. Some of them think that they probably should have a better understanding of English—mostly for professional reasons—but they just don’t feel compelled to go out and learn it. I think the same is true of many Americans. Why should someone who lives in the United States bother to learn a foreign language? And if they do learn another language, which should they choose? Dutch? German? Chinese? It takes an incredible amount of work to reach a level of proficiency in any foreign language; work that many people feel is better used to further their professional careers, and many jobs have no use for another language.
Besides career advancement, another reason to learn another language is enjoying the fruits of a different culture. In this respect, I think many Spanish and English speaking natives feel that their own culture has enough to offer. Spain has a vibrant popular culture of music and movies; the same is true of most Latin American countries. If your native tongue is Romanian, or Greek, or Albanian, I think that your choices in pop culture are somewhat limited, at least compared to English and Spanish speakers.
Believe it or not, lots of Spanish kids don’t really like English/American rock and roll, although many do, of course. Lots of Spanish kids don’t look for music outside of what is produced in Spain. Flamenco, flamenco fusion, and Spanish pop seems to be all that a lot of people here need when it comes to music; they don’t even bother with Spanish music from other countries like salsa and meringue from Latin America.
In my opinion, the Spanish have the most distinct and idiosyncratic lifestyle of any Europeans, perhaps of anyone in the world. It seems to me that Spanish people don’t really feel the need to search for identity outside of their very defining culture. I think that this has a lot to do with their unwillingness to learn English. Why should they learn English? So they can act more like Americans or the British? It just doesn’t seem to me that this is something they are after.
I guess that it’s easy for me to defend the Spanish for not learning English because I’ve had to defend Americans for not learning whatever foreign language our detractors would have us learn. Native speakers of Spanish and English have a very rich and extensive culture to occupy their energies. Learning another language for us is a luxury, for the most part, not a requirement. Those of you who find that learning to speak another language is essential shouldn’t be so hasty in judging Americans or Spanish people who speak only their native tongue.
Chochear - to be senile
I looked that word up a while back and wrote it down in one of my notebooks. I do that with every word that I look up. I will write the name of the book that I am reading at the top of a page and then write down every word that I look up along with the definition in English. It seemed like a good system. It still seems like the only system for trying to learn a language. If anyone has a better system, please feel free to share it with me. If the book isn't from the library or borrowed I underline the new word with a red ink pen. This way I can go back and quickly find the context when I review new words.
This word sounded just vaguely familiar to me. I went back and looked through my notebooks and I noticed that I had looked up and wrote down the definition for chochear three different times…no kidding, three times. I’m not smart enough to make that up; just ask around. If I find that I wrote down the definition to this word on four separate occasions I think the irony of not remembering the Spanish word for “senile” is going to turn to despair at realizing that approaching senility may be a reason for my troubles with learning the language.
Chochear isn’t one of those truly obscure words that I have no chance of running into twice in the same lifetime in Spain, but you never can tell when you’ll need to pull a word like jabalí (wild boar) out of your butt (I recently looked up that word). I was in a bar a few days after I looked it up, and what do you know? There was a wild boar’s head on the wall. Had I not known the word for this animal it could have been awkward. Instead I was able to say to the bartender, “Menudo jabalí, tío!” which means “Cool pig, dude!” Nor is chochear one of those words that are difficult to define or have various meanings depending on the context. Take this word as an example:
Pillar
1 (una cosa, enfermedad) to catch (a disease, illness)
2 (atropellar) to run over
3 (sorprender) to catch (to surprise)
4 (un chiste, una idea) to get (a joke)
5 (robar) to steal
As well as some colloquialisms like me pilla de camino meaning “it’s on my way” and pillar cacho means "to hook up." If I stay in Spain another couple years I may understand all of the nuances of that word. Of course, it probably has different meanings in Latin American Spanish.
After just a short while living in Spain I had any Latin American colloquialisms beat out of me by the locals. People will flat out correct me for saying something that is perfectly grammatical and common in Mexican Spanish. Whenever someone does correct me I point out that 180 million Mexicans might disagree with their views on the language.
I switched my accent to a Spanish version when I first arrived here. I didn’t speak it well enough at first to stick with the Latin American accent I had on arrival so I just thought it would make things easier if I adopted the Castilian Spanish pronunciation where they lisp the Z and Ci sounds instead of pronouncing them like an S as they do in Latin America and Andalucía. They call these places "zonas de seseo." Latin Americans who move to Spain don’t switch their accents, just like I wouldn’t start speaking like a Brit if I moved to London. A Spaniard sure as heck wouldn’t start speaking like a local if he/she moved to Mexico or Argentina. They can barely tolerate hearing a Latin accent let alone would they try to imitate one.
The most difficult aspect of speaking Spanish imperfectly is that it is a challenge to say anything funny. I was at a dinner party last night and the France/Spain football match was on the television. It was only a friendly game, but all of us were intently watching because it a sporting event and it’s on TV. I was sort of half-way following a conversation with someone and I should have probably been paying closer attention. When she asked me if I was listening I said, “Of course I’m listening. He just said that Torres is out with an injury and the score is still tied 0-0.” Not a very sophisticated joke but it got some laughs. I’ll keep looking up words and writing down definitions. I hope the jokes will start coming easier.
Profani-TV
There is a huge difference between how Spanish and American cultures view profanity, especially on the official level of television. Where almost no form of foul language can escape the vigilant ears of censors on American TV, almost anything goes—at least linguistically—on Spanish programs. I just finished watching one of my favorite talk shows here in Spain called Buenafuente. Normally this show airs at midnight but there are also weekly recaps that come on in the morning. On this particular episode the host and namesake of the program, Ignacio(?) Buenafuente, was interviewing Pancracio Celdrán, Catedrático del Taco or professor of obscenities. He is the author of El Gran Libro del los Insultos. Not only did they cover just about every Spanish vulgarity, but they also spent quite a while talking about the word “fuck” in English.
Could you even imagine if anyone ever said “fuck” on an American TV show? First of all, at least three little old ladies in Alabama would drop dead. But that would never happen because the censors would bleep it out and then make the producers of the show wash the video in bleach before allowing it to be aired. Afterwards they would wash out the mouth of the guilty swearer with soap. I just finished reading a long report about the strength of America's right to freedom of expression compared to almost every other Western democracy, so why do we get so bent out of shape over profanity? Your right to free speech in America evidently does not cover yelling “Cocksucker!” in a crowded theater. Does being protected from vulgarity on television make us more civilized?
I don't think that Spanish people, on average, swear any more or less than American people, and when I say American people I don't include myself because I swear more than anyone I have ever met—at least anyone I have ever met who wasn't in the American military. Tourettes Syndrome-like swearing seems to be a by-product of military service, like some sort of phantom Gulf War disease. Although it isn't apparent to me that Spanish people swear any more or less than Americans, I would say that obscenities are more accepted and used by a larger percentage of the population.
Certain words like mierda (shit) and puta (whore) are used with almost alarming frequency in Spain. Hardly an episode of Family Guy (Padre de Familia) goes by without the word mierda being used, and I don't think this is a direct English translation. Profane words hardly seem to make a bleep on the radar in Spanish life unless they are used in a hostile or aggressive fashion.
Besides mierda, the other thing you hear a lot is puta and hijo de puta (son of a whore) which is one of the big insults in the Spanish-speaking world. I'm surprised that there isn't a protest organization here called something like Mothers of Sons of Whores to stand up for the rights of those being insulted. Being the son of a whore doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world to me, but I come from an English-speaking country. For me it sounds kind of glamorous—at least it would if mom were one of those high-profile hookers. Anyway, it sounds more fun than being the son of a virgin.
Take those seven words George Carlin says you can't say on American TV, put them all in one sentence, and you could say that on a Spanish talk show, even in prime time. There's even a popular show called “Without Tits There's no Heaven” (Sin Tetas no Hay Paraíso). I've never seen the show. I guess that the premise is just too obvious for me, I mean, come on, heaven without boobs? Of course not. My point being that there ain't no tits on the radio nor on American TV, not physically and not even the word. We do violence, however, and lots of it. Spain has yet to really catch up to us as far as this fascination with graphic violence is concerned. I'll leave the irony of refraining from sex while indulging in violence for another essay.
Buenafuente mentioned that he thought that the richness of English was being lessened by the over-use of the word “fuck” in the modern, English-speaking world. I don't know his level of English but if his English is anything less than very good this may be explained by the fact that you will hear words in another language that you know, and not hear those you don't—if that makes sense. If you know the word “fuck” in English you will hear it every time it is spoken, which may seem like a lot but it really isn't. What you aren't hearing is all of the words you don't know. If all you know of Spanish is puta and mierda, it will seem like people are saying these words a lot. I certainly wouldn't say that English or Spanish speakers swear any more than the other. What I will say is that—at least in America—we show a lot of phony puritan concern for profanity in the public sector, especially on the airwaves.
There is a wonderful scene on an episode of The Wire in which detectives Bunk and McNaulty investigate a crime scene while only using the word “fuck” in every and all of its almost countless nuances. What the scene illustrates (besides their great police work) is that profanity is not much more than linguistic sawdust. It is simply filler that has no purpose other than to fill the space between words which actually are meant to carry meaning. You could film the same scene in Spanish using only the words ostia and puta, their slightly profane filler words.
My father once told me that children shouldn't use profanity when adults were around. He knew better than to think that kids weren't going to swear. That's like expecting kids not to misbehave or set stuff on fire. That's what kids do. My father passed away before he was able to give me advice about using profanity as an adult. The funny thing is, I swear worse than a pirate in English (or better than one, depending on your point of view) but in Spanish I choose not to swear. I just think that profanity sounds dumb with an accent. I still have to think before I say a lot of stuff when I speak Spanish. If I had to think before I spoke English I would rarely choose to employ profanity. In my native language the filth just sort of leaks out, it's the sawdust that fills the cracks in conversation.
How anyone could possibly be truly offended by profanity is strange to me but I suppose that's because I'm not exactly the delicate sort. I don't have to keep smelling salts in my purse for fear that I may swoon when someone says “shit” or “fuck” in the course of conversation. Making a big deal out of profanity is like when parents make a big fuss when they hear their young children use foul language. No matter how you feel about profanity, it is part of the language and it's here to stay. Pretending it doesn't exist just seems silly to me, but what the fu%# do I know?
¿Hablas español?
I haven’t traveled to many countries in my life and most of those I have visited I speak at least a bit of the language. This is no coincidence as I don’t feel comfortable visiting places where I don’t speak any of the local language. I just feel stupid speaking English when I’m away from home. Now that my Spanish has greatly improved I think I would get along just fine in Italy, Romania, Portugal, and Brazil simply because Portuguese, Rumanian, and Italian are so similar to Spanish. I know that my phobia about foreign languages is a bit irrational and I shouldn’t let it keep me from seeing more of the world but it does. I don’t feel too claustrophobic as I can get by in Spanish, French, Arabic, and Greek. I’m certainly not bragging about this as my speaking ability in all but Spanish is pretty crappy but, as I said, I can get by.
I would say that a lot of Americans speak a lot more Spanish than they give themselves credit for knowing. Simple things like buenos días, buenas tardes, gracias, por favor, tacos, burritos, and being able to count are not such simple things if you have ever traveled to a country where you aren’t familiar with this absolutely essential vocabulary. A lot of people at this level probably think that their ability in Spanish isn’t worth mentioning. I would beg to differ. How many Americans know what cerveza means? If you can order a beer in the native language you are off to a great start in any country.
If I had this much of a base in Chinese, or Russian, or some other strange language I would be positively fearless about traveling to those lands. If you have taken even one high school Spanish class you would probably be amazed at how well you can get along in Spain or any other Spanish-speaking country. Just study up a bit before you take a trip and I guarantee that you will be quite pleased with your ability to effect any number of transactions in Spanish. I also guarantee that people won’t make fun of you. No matter what your level, people are always very grateful when someone even attempts to speak their language. I have spoken French with people in France who I know speak perfect English and they always allow me to struggle through in their language. I am very hard-headed in that I insist on speaking the language of the host country.
When you tell someone that you have studied a language invariably the first question they ask you is, “Are you fluent?” After studying any language for any length of time you realize that “fluent” has little concrete meaning. By fluent do they mean that you can order food in a restaurant, book a hotel, and offer greetings and thanks? If this is the case, then all of those Americans I mentioned before with a basic grasp of Spanish are fluent. For me “fluent” has little significance. I’m interested in just being able to function in another language—at least at first. Even being functional has a lot of room for interpretation. Learning another language isn’t like memorizing all of the State capitals; it is a huge task that can take a lifetime (ditto with State capitals—at least for me). There are plenty of rewards along the way and everyone gets a prize for trying. On one trip to Amsterdam I learned how to order a bottle of beer. It took me a while to memorize it because I got the phrase out of a guide book and I wasn’t at all sure about the pronunciation. I sat down at a café and blurted out my few words of Dutch to the waiter. He simply nodded and turned away. I don’t think that I have ever been more pleased with my accomplishments in the study of languages than when he came back with what I ordered. I felt like I had just brokered a peace between the Palestinians and Israelis in Arabic and Hebrew. You have to savor the little victories in life. Worry about Middle East peace later.
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